Live With Your scars: They are a Part of You

It is no news that everybody has some sort of hardship they live with or through the course of their life journey, each step leaving a unique and specific impact on our persons; a flower in our garden or a ditch in our oceans. The intensity of these impacts also vary greatly from person to person, such that each person may not compare their experiences and reactions to those of another in a similar situation.

Scars are undeniable proofs of where you have been, how far you have come, and how hard you have fought; they are supposed to be beautiful and adored as they are badges that reveal our strength and resilience, right? Sadly though, as most of us must have noticed, scars are hardly ever beautiful or endearing. In fact, in many cases, they could be really ugly and terrifying. Yes, they didn’t come out through an easy or beautifying process, did they? They came as a result of really harsh conditions, really tough battles that you have fought and survived… of course, there is a beauty to it beyond the physical level; but, that comes to the surface for a person who cares enough to look beyond the physical and understand what pains and anguish accompanied the birth of those scars.

It is pretty true that some scars are not even visible (to anybody save the bearer of course), and as such, they only mar the person’s growth and advancement though means other than the medium of sight; usually their mindset as it influences their interactions and relationships with other individuals. We all agree that the amount of psychological scars we bear have a proportional effect on the quality of our persona-social relationships as well as our concept of self. The presence of this baggage (scars) is manifested in our actions and/or inactions, through which people may make inferences and draw conclusions on who we are.

Some of us do not even acknowledge the presence of our scars, especially the invisible ones, despite the fact that their effects on our mental well-being and satisfactory intra and interrelationships can never be overemphasized. We choose to “convince” ourselves to believe that there is actually no problem, or maybe when we cannot deny the presence of a problem in totality, we beat it down and say instead that “it isn’t that much of a big deal”; yes, we have fought through the battle and we are no more bleeding red, but, most deep wounds, or even all, leave scars on our bodies or minds.

Whilst we are not advised to remain fixated on our problems as this would only leave us wallowing in the deep pool of self-pity without making any move as regards solving them, denying their existence or significance would also just make things worse in the long term, as it denies you the opportunity to deal with that which needs to be resolved in order to live normally; yes, you don’t solve a problem by running away from it, because, it would always find a way to catch up with you at some point in time.

Scars make up unique parts of us; it reminds us that something other than the “normal” little things have graced our skins and cut us deep, left us bleeding and seeking help, forced us to brace up and swallow the pains in hopes of getting numb to it as some point, and that point, we start to feel ourselves heal, drying up the wound so that we are now left with a scar.

The presence of these scars have different effects on each of us, but generally, we all wish to hide those scars and live as though we’ve got flawless skins and beings, and when we don’t have any other option than to let it show, we pray and hope nobody notices it. And in the event that somebody does notice, we hope they wouldn’t be aversive to its sight or ask us the story behind the “badge”… sighs. That’s perfectly normal, perfectly fine and normal. Having prominent scars remain one of the many reasons a person may develop inferiority complex, and maybe even depression, especially when the scar lies in a position where it is obvious to all at first glance.

Should you treat your scars as evil?

Well, depending on the situation that led to your acquiring such scar, you may naturally be inclined towards hating the scar and blaming its presence on your own inabilities, leading to you wishing it was never there like the “ugly demon” breathing down your neck every moment your eyes see it or your thoughts wander to it. Thus, usually, many of us look to others for validation, for definition of self and all that involves self: you will equally agree that this is not fair to self, won’t you?

Because a scar is a dent on the skin (or wherever it lives), we seek to hide it as we are not confident of their worth, afraid that people would speak ill of it as it would seem aversive to them, thereby making us get even more unbalanced on the wheels of our life affairs. Now, there is always someone who would come around and admire that same “ugly” scar, awed by the flawless strength it signifies, amazed at how determined you must have been to remain alive even to this point. Yes, there is always someone who understands what “scars” stand for, beyond their dent on the flesh.

This would give you a bit more confidence, yeah? You get to love and adore this person so much more, because, well, they understand and appreciate you even more than you! It is adorable to find that someone at whatever point in our life journey… but, should we wait for them? do we depend on their thoughts and definition to deal with our strengths and weaknesses? Should we remain ashamed of our scars and give people all the power to step all over us for them? Will this “person” to come really arrive in our own lives and stay the same for the rest of it? Will their thoughts and feelings as regards these flaws always remain the same and never change?

Give it some thoughts… is this worth it?

The truth is: nobody in this life can assure you of remaining with you through your journey as the very same person, regardless of what feelings they have for you! Feelings change, perspectives change, people change, situations change… everything and everybody changes. So yes, you are going to base your sanity on this fleeting option? You are going to have your confidence and love for self depend on a factor that might not be there in the very next second?

I know, it’s hard otherwise… but, I tell you, the simple thing to do is to just LIVE WITH YOUR SCARS! Yes, you have always being with it, going everywhere with it, but, are you living with it? Do you see it as a part of you that cannot be exchanged for any reason? Do you LOVE its presence and show it to others with pride? Do you live with it or just stay with it?

Living with your scars isn’t a hard thing, and, assuredly, it is the most beautiful thing to do with those badges.

First, understand HOW you got them. Yes, think back on how you acquired the scar, evaluate your faults in the surrounding causes, identify those factors that were definitely beyond your control, and, forgive yourself for every little thing that brought it to being. When you go far back, you are no longer just looking at that “ugly” spot on your body, you are looking at the incident that brought it to being.

Move away from there and see WHAT your reactions were. Of course, something happened to hurt and/or cut you before you were left with that scar. Now, think about how hard you lived with the pains and fought to not give in to them. Think about all you (and other significant others) did to keep you alive and well. What steps you took to overcome the “marring event” would help you to reconsider that hate you have developed in your heart for that scar, which isn’t only an evidence of the bad thing that happened, but more of an evidence for the good things you did to heal up.

Ponder on whether or not it could have been worse, then, see the strength and resilience that brought that scar to being. You could have lost a part of your body (or mind), you could have died, you could have… the possibilities are endless, but no, you are alive with a glorifying scar: isn’t that beautiful? Losing a part of the body is a manifestation of yet another beautiful dimension of strength: it could always have been worse, you could have given up and lost that battle, but you didn’t, you fought it and survived! Your survival is worth a big thumbs-up! Ma shaa Allah!

So yes… will you look at your scars now, smile or cry as you reminisce on the memory of how you got them, and look away with gratitude for your existence. So that yes, next time somebody looks at them and calls them ugly, you will give them a broad smile and tell them that you are proud of their presence, with sincerity!

Your battles were great, your scars are a prove of that.. and yes, even though I’m not seeing them, I’m confirming it to you that they are indeed beautiful and nothing to be ashamed of! Rise and live with your scars!

MBS🍒