Trust Your Self

It is from the nature of every “average” human to seek validation of their thought processes and judgments from the people around them, especially the ones that really matter to them. With the mindset already established, as regards their opinions of what is worthy or otherwise, we try our possible best to combine and consider the “sentimental” judgments of this group of people before we even think about “how” they settle with us; in good or bad ways.

I have seen people turn down proposals of men they’d otherwise have fought tooth and nail just to have, simply because their friends “think” they’re not compatible (on whatever grounds), and then they’ll have to battle with the hurt and regret for long after. I have equally seen people give up their dreams because some people “think” it doesn’t suit them, or they wouldn’t excel in its pursuance… by the same token, I have personally considered marrying a few people that I naturally didn’t “like” simply because my friends “think” they’re cool.

Life is full of a beautiful wrap of varieties; we all know, don’t we? We all say variety is the spice of life after all. And again, one man’s food is another man’s poison; we have different and unique tastes as humans!

The reason many of us fall in this ditch of weighing our life decisions on others’ perceptions and opinions is that we either don’t “know” self or don’t “trust” self.

Many of us live our lives away from ourselves (yes, the body is disjointed from the soul), and as such, no attention whatsoever is given to knowing and nurturing “self”. You don’t know or have any ground rule for relationships and interactions, you don’t know your potential or feel the need to harness it, you don’t know your worth in the world, and so you throw yourself at every available “opportunity” that shows the slightest inclination towards you.

If B loves coke, that means it’s good. But, it makes me choke… oh, that means something is wrong with me. I must love coke too.

Or; why am I the only one who thinks Mr. L is uptight? Every other person likes him. I should like him too.

Or; everyone thinks the forest is the best place to go. Even though it terrifies me, I have to go with them…

In all of these scenarios, there was no care for “why” the self thinks differently, and that is how many of us are; we feel the pressure of “having to belong”, or even “needing to belong”, and for that “trophy”, we are willing to pay any price, even if that requires that we lose “self” in all of its essence. Did we even care to know the “self” at all in the first place?

At the other branch of the same tree, we have “trusting” self. One who doesn’t even “know” self would definitely not “trust” it! But, what of a person that knows?

When we pitch our ideas/opinions/feelings against those of others and realize that our opinions don’t “tally” with theirs, we tend to “drop” ours and embrace theirs. Why? Because we feel “as compared with “their” opinion, mine can’t be right. Definitely, they have to be right”. Why? Because we do not trust our own selves!

Why would you betray your opinions and beliefs just because another thinks differently of it? Why should lose your trust in that which Allah has guided you to choose/do simply because somebody thinks it should be done differently? Why should a fellow human’s “guess” cause you despair?

We need to understand that we can’t all view things from the same perspective, neither can we all hold the same opinion as regards our feelings and reactions towards a particular subject matter (or even person). When we finally do understand this, we will be able to give more room to “our” own voices and permit our individual differences, so long we do not hold just about any opinion without having due understanding of it. Another reason, you will agree, it is essential that you really do “know” self, establish the grounds and walls for your personal growth and advancement, and then, allow people in your circle on your own terms and let them interfere with your decision making only to the extent where you are comfortable and genuinely agree with.

It is high time you go on the quest for “self”; know you, understand you, accept you, love you, and, trust you. You are just as good as any: trust that and be confident in the decisions you make! It’s your life and you matter most in it!

MBS 🍒