Self-love and Acceptance is Something You (and not Another) owe YOU

How very many of us base our concept and acceptance of self on the perspectives and views of others? Well because, during our early years in life we learnt to trust nothing that comes from “within” (sometimes the ability to generate anything from the self has already been killed) and so we make every single thing we think and believe about self dependent on what somebody else thinks and says; and that is rather unfair, isn’t it?

Quite many times too, many of us look around to find what we can of public opinions and sentiments in order to decide whether or not we have anything worth celebrating; about our bodies, our personalities, our passions, our values, and all of what makes each of us our unique persons.

The truth however is that; you do not expect another to give you what you are unable to give yourself of self-esteem and unconditional positive regard.

Hold that dear; it is an essential fact to healthy living and positive growth and development.

You see, it is true that many of us grew up in toxic environments, around people who did not but capitalize on our faults and highlighted our flaws every single chance they get, so that they have completely soiled out whatever we can of positive self-image; and that is just fine, it is a natural response. Then, growing up and advancing into the society, when the bond with the family continues to grow less tight and intense and we share bonds with more and more individuals from different families and societies, we start to withdraw into our shells as we expect everybody to do to us just as our initial significant others (family) has consistently done.

It would be a really great surprise and would mean a ton too much when anybody from the larger society pays you a sincere compliment; maybe about how they love your eyes, or admire your accent, or adore your personality, among other such things. Now, you may dote on this person for as long as it takes another to come out and say such nice things to you again, and in a short while, it becomes a normal occurrence; you realize that “some” people really do believe in you and see goodness in your person. And in the long run, you tend to do things to “impress” these people, believing in what they believe about you; now, that’s quite a tricky and dangerous one for your mental health.

People tend to get tired of repeating the same cycle of events over time; the spark just tends to die a natural death without stress. Now, when that excitement about finding “you” dies in them, where does that leave you? Otherwise, a time will come when you hold a particular somebody as the most important person to you (talk about choosing a spouse) and their opinions of you would matter more than any other person’s; and that is equally just as normal. Now, what happens when they seem to think otherwise of some of your features and traits?

While it is “normal” for us to “care” about their opinions of us, it is utterly abnormal to make our perception of self dependent on those opinions: you cannot give what you do not have is a widely known and accepted quote, and by extension, you should not expect to get that which you ought bring from within from around.

Before you go into a relationship, it is essential that you have a sound knowledge and understanding of self so that you know exactly what your strengths and weaknesses are, know exactly what features require to be improved upon and how exactly you would ensure those developments, and just as well, you should know which of your “dents” cannot be changed and only need to be accepted for what they are.

Sometimes, you would expect too much of another without really realizing; expecting your loved ones to give you a reason to love and accept self is “too much” for anyone, and usually, you would only end up disappointed and sorely heartbroken, maybe you would get even more broken than you ever were prior, and that would only leave you in deep anguish.

It is essential that you understand that it is YOU (and not somebody else) who owes you the healthy amount of self-love that would give you a healthy self-esteem and ensure your mental wellness and personal development. Do not expect the impossible of another, do not expect another to be “the” reason you would feel yourself worthy of existing, do not expect another to be “the” reason you would feel yourself to be a complete living human, do expect another to pay the debt you owe yourself… because that is expecting the impossible, and expecting the impossible would only cause you (and some of your significant others) deep anguish and pains, which can definitely be avoided.

Learn about self, understand your flaws and expertise, accept yourself for you; for the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. Find something unique to love about yourself, such that even if nobody is paying you any compliment, you will still find joy in doing things that make you feel good and relevant, and regardless of what anybody thinks (or says) about your imperfections, you are “okay” with being human enough to be imperfect. Love you! Be proud of you! Thrive! Grow! You deserve it… and nobody will give you that much but yourself!